All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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