My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He shit in the fireplace
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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