I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
