Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
