I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
try to milk me bitch
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