is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize