i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
