Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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