so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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