one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
