hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Less talking, more tequila
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
