Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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