you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
