he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
3pm strippers are depressing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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