How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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