My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
