Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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