Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
