i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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