are you so shy because you have an std?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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