Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
