I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
