he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
