So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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