I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
