What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
