If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"