just come out here and I will go home with you...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
