dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
