You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.