i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
