I met the friendliest cop last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
