I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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