the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
