when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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