smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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