Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
