why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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