So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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