I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
