If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
