I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
COCAINE IS GR8
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
