I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
