I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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