It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
