I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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