Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
