How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
