So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you made out with another girl for some wings
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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