before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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