no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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