My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
