Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
