I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
