It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
