I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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