if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
