just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
