It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
