M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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