I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ttyl tear gas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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