He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
