i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
