you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
God, I missed his penis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
