Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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