is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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