she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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