so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You pole danced in your parka.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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