I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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