I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
