Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
