so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
