this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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