i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
