i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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