I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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