You're my little dorito
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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