i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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