just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
