weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
