Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
