Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
