Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
