youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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